Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics. 
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An intellectual is a person who has found something more interesting than sex. O.O
Forget about the zombie apocalypse that will never come... worry about the idiot apocalypse that’s already upon us. O.O
Sometimes understanding what a woman wants is difficult. It’s like trying to figure out what colour the letter seven smells like.
Only two things can change a woman’s mood; 1. I love you 2. 50% off sale.
If girls argued with their boyfriends topless, they would win every time.
They say you can get $200 for donating sperm! To think that I let all that money slip through my fingers.
My relationship status: [_] Single; [_] Taken; [X] Already ordered my 37 cats
At my age rolling out of bed in the morning is easy... getting up off the floor is another matter
)
If things get better with age, I must be approaching freakin magnificent.
At my age “getting lucky” means finding my car in the parking lot.
Ladies, if a man says he’ll fix it he will. There’s no need to remind him every six months about it.
I think it would be a great idea if Walmart installed an upper-level observation deck with a full bar.
Don’t trust anyone who doesn’t drink coffee and say Fuck! a lot.)
The short answer is no. The long answer is Oh fuck no! :O
Nothing says “I mean business” like using a cart at the liquor store.)
I’m not great at giving advice; can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
Sometimes the thought in my head get bored and go out for a stroll through my mouth.
Let’s face it, some people can only be described as “Should have been a blow-job”.) -
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