I feel like a failure.....
I feel like because I don't do anything or go anywhere, what is the purpose to look nice and feel pretty? All I do is house work and kids.... I'm too sweaty from chores to get hugged or kissed, my sleep schedule is not normal, and sex? Haven't had any for about 8 months now, or an orgasm since Christmas last year that I haven't given myself... which is starting to be a nuisance, and I've already felt pathetic enough for crying afterwards, now to add a painful wrist in the mix.....
I don't feel like getting dolled up just to sweat it off all day, but the real kick-in-my-gut is when I do get "beautified" and then get practically ignored for a game console..... no money means no dates, but then again, he's not wanting to do ANYTHING even if we did have money..... being a single mom sucked, now being a mom in a "relationship but still doing stuff if I was single" is lonely, and I feel like I failed my past self.
I wanted to be a mom with my kids' dad, to do stuff with them, have adventures and go places, to not be a single mom doing all that....
Now, im a mom with my youngest daughter's father who has no interest in going places but work and home. Can't even talk him into going to Walmart with me just to get out of the house that's not work-related.....
I'm just venting, but I have no actual friends I can visit or who can visit me and smoke a bowl of weed and just talk to them...
I feel depressed every day, but if I start to cry, my youngest tries to console me and then tells her dad, "mom was crying" and I can't talk to him because he doesn't really care about how I feel, we've already had that argument a couple years ago and he shut me down and that's been that! I don't cry in front of him anymore..... but I can't do the one thing that used to help me in the past either, but then I wonder if he'd even notice anyways.....
I feel stuck..... old... loving my kids but kind of wishing they were older already so I could try to have some type of fun in my miserable existence..... does that make me selfish? Probably, idk..... but my life wasn't mine, not even after turning legal.... and the choices I did make that were mine? Well, I've got 3 beautiful children, a lot of work experience under my belt, and have had a few memorable moments that I'll always remember, but my future? Right now, it looks bleak and barren, like an apocalyptic world....
That's what I feel like.....
I feel like because I don't do anything or go anywhere, what is the purpose to look nice and feel pretty? All I do is house work and kids.... I'm too sweaty from chores to get hugged or kissed, my sleep schedule is not normal, and sex? Haven't had any for about 8 months now, or an orgasm since Christmas last year that I haven't given myself... which is starting to be a nuisance, and I've already felt pathetic enough for crying afterwards, now to add a painful wrist in the mix.....
I don't feel like getting dolled up just to sweat it off all day, but the real kick-in-my-gut is when I do get "beautified" and then get practically ignored for a game console..... no money means no dates, but then again, he's not wanting to do ANYTHING even if we did have money..... being a single mom sucked, now being a mom in a "relationship but still doing stuff if I was single" is lonely, and I feel like I failed my past self.
I wanted to be a mom with my kids' dad, to do stuff with them, have adventures and go places, to not be a single mom doing all that....
Now, im a mom with my youngest daughter's father who has no interest in going places but work and home. Can't even talk him into going to Walmart with me just to get out of the house that's not work-related.....
I'm just venting, but I have no actual friends I can visit or who can visit me and smoke a bowl of weed and just talk to them...
I feel depressed every day, but if I start to cry, my youngest tries to console me and then tells her dad, "mom was crying" and I can't talk to him because he doesn't really care about how I feel, we've already had that argument a couple years ago and he shut me down and that's been that! I don't cry in front of him anymore..... but I can't do the one thing that used to help me in the past either, but then I wonder if he'd even notice anyways.....
I feel stuck..... old... loving my kids but kind of wishing they were older already so I could try to have some type of fun in my miserable existence..... does that make me selfish? Probably, idk..... but my life wasn't mine, not even after turning legal.... and the choices I did make that were mine? Well, I've got 3 beautiful children, a lot of work experience under my belt, and have had a few memorable moments that I'll always remember, but my future? Right now, it looks bleak and barren, like an apocalyptic world....
That's what I feel like.....
