Handling Love and Imaginary Creativity

Tesorose_159

Tesorose_159

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OFC Regular
In view of an upcoming party, yay, was inspired to draw and colour a pink-yellowish rose...finished this morn, another yay.

Alas, a brewing dissatisfaction with my new development in a chat room did not sit well with party host.

Perhaps, the backdrop of a sex chat with private chats clouded the concept /application of role play or imaginary play, drama. Read that there is customer service role play in corporate training setting. Imagination plays a role in creativity, a skill needed in problem solving. Guess, an rp in a sexy place breeds jealousy?

While it turns out at the previous weekend that I wanted to chill by imaginary play/monologue and found unexpected solace/friendly chatter in rp room that evening, had also informed recently the converting of my sexy or creative rp likes into my current romance. Most recently then, on early afternoons with some extra spark, there was the creative opportunity to express myself differently while waiting or when the other room is dead (my plot is mostly visible in room, just tiny sexy and more monologue based)

Yea, maybe changing my approach/naming to imaginary play will ease up....restrict to social/adult main room, regardless of alive stats?

Alas, the considerations of a lady taken, who crossed the first month. Further along, is it all sacrifice, tears and seriousness when maturing and sharing together? What if the lady possesses a larger creative streak and an underbelly of cute/ childlikeness, can she not be with a responsible person? This lady is growing artistically yea.

Is it worth compromising and regrouping to include more creativity in the romance...with hopes of a welcome/partnership? Flashbacks to several years before and off site....to avoid complaint/ridicule, take the balancing and mastering one's play or cute ways to keep one's reputation/draw and other relationships/task afloat.

Before crashing underneath, am trying hard to consider how far I have come with the loved one/romance and, the reason for embracing the rose on a stronger basis.

Well, the party I was looking forward to would likely elevate and strengthen the love bond, besides welcoming back the loved one in renewed fashion/purpose.
...Have my stakes been jeopardised yet?

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Sub: Risk of Opening Up for Love

Haiz, so touchy, maybe addressing deep core....painful journey of a rare gem or is she one?

Some have deemed dysfunctional in the larger world where everyone needs to survive the knocks somehow.

Socially, been advised just do as the Romans do or get yourself there, serve to get by. Tried that, somewhat.

Finally, the chance for love. Went by, cut through the rough edges in the mud previously but, came out empty handed and battered by a deep friend some years back ...battered by the rough there and, my own mud.

On surface, how does one evaluate and recover from 1 a short relationship later in life (first rodeo but seemingly mature boat), so cornered and now, feel like I am losing big time on the field.
Good thing, maybe, it is largely online...partially can hide the face.
Ancient times, the woman is to blame in a fallout or incident.

Haiz, once again all sweetness and dreams of a sweet future is on the shelf.
How many times can one dream again after painful plot (s)?
Is it right to heavily judge based on final straws due to one's creative interest explained finally, spoiled times and imperfect comm during a fight?

Alas, the nearest joy of a celebration/garden party is gone in almost a flash....originally tipped on my fault ...hence, the heavy judging?

Haiz, can i wing mistakes/errors enough without daily harping on them + basing them off in my mood/service in real life when under a same roof? Will I continue to care with faithful compassion?

Nevertheless, I have threatened to walk away immediately too based on a possible deal breaker error or mistake.

Well, for now, consider both broken and likely need more shaping/ strengthening this season.

Right, dinner outside or ask for takeaway....

Psst...
Still have a half a mind of tearing up the drawing of the rose completed this morning.
Can I hold up my end until the reconnection ?
 
Sub: Handling a lil gift of heaven

After a serious deep one month plus...
Wow, have I viewed myself also as a lil gift to the other person esp when trying to climb out of a small pit midway?
Yes, when provoked, I too have pointed out the opposing mistake/error ...but I am reminded that I have been/we have been exchanging quite enough love and endearment, awww, comforting.

Alas, the broken, marred pieces inside float up to the surface when triggered by conflict and woes. Well, the extra bits of love and care was all I could. The rest is a lot of back end work in between the hours. Haiz, if my healing journey has been long and required additional help, what more for others worse off or living alone.

Okies, assignment to heal and uphold others by the light and guidance/supply of heaven, those who comes through my path.
Does it mean each one has to end well during my tenure?
Does a meaner, more painful ending/dissolution point towards utter failure?
Will I be frantically picking up my recent/provoked broken pieces on the scene?
Will there be changes to the forecast, plan that seemed to mess up everything cozy and nice?

Haiz, must I regenerate/heal enough to make an apology for the offence caused even though it was not entirely my fault? Parents hardly did ohh. This time, I need to reconsider a few levels/angles how to proceed for the sake of creative, expressive need/spark.
 
Can't sleep yet...

Guess it's follow the same road concept.

Rode the highs and lows of the roller coaster today, tonight.
Sadly, looking back, I had a part to play in setting up the crazy nauseating section....as especially some over the top. Hearing the inner cry of the loved one was not fun, worse after an already long day.

Alas, the scene just now soon kinda overshadowed the sweet love earlier tonight. Had to hold the fort to defend the sweet love lest we wake up to a collapsed world. Good thing, a beacon hope appeared just before we closed for the night.

Hoping for sunny day of some sweet love the next time we meet....can we sustain another chapter as the heavens seem to have allotted for our shaping up?

Aargh, witnessing the blessing and curse/less pleasant events of a deep.soul....the love and dismay/hate towards another can be as strong.
 
Online love while on a wider network

Getting very angry one afternoon in the open since felt threatened and conversation escalated. When every major turn seems a test, maybe am eating my own medicine?

On one hand, am consoling myself this evening, although I have somewhat hit the road of love /presenting me more, am finding out I am reconfiguring what had been done or not done well in the past real.

Haiz, emotional regulation is real /much needed in adulthood, even online as I have come to know, although not all South Asians can/have practiced well. Witnessed tempers flying and not everything is granted so rampantly. Whoa, not easy when one feels the pinch/heat boiling. How to pick myself up by widening the calm threshold and extend my patience for a longer period? How to cool off under trying, persistent situations, when feeling the pinch on my own tail?
Yikes, witnessing bigger challenges since recent years, oh, my heart and head.

Oh, the other person should know by now what throws me off and as mature couples do, just know how to keep the peaceful harmony....hehe?

Alright, reminded that at the very least, due to precious deep love, have improved by apologising, something also rarer growing up. Sometimes, have managed to reaffirm love, attempt restoration and present a peace offering. Well, regardless of readiness to receive.

From a place of ongoing loyalty, know that the refinement of integrity (amidst a wider variety of comms) might not always follow the want & current standards of the other. Due to the weight of one's adopted value, similar to the weight of deal breakers, the breach or varying opinion/scenario might cause a real stir. Alas, the tainted records and recent inspired/initiated clean up, one's (imperfect) innocence can be hard to prove and the harmony of the couple seems harder to upkeep.

Needless to say, sometimes, one can only hold on to her good and look to heaven. What a balance to strike amidst a cloudy bay in the corner - keep her ground vs keep the overall peace. Rest also on the good moments/ memories shared otherwise - the evidence/ environment of love shared. One more, note the divine intervention discretely at work...not a fray hair. That will keep her chin up.

More stings as the couple continues to develop respectively?

Are ashes approaching my field?
 
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