Depression

Louise_angel

Louise_angel

Well-Known Member
OFC Regular
To those who are reading this, I know you are tired. You are fed up. You are so close to breaking, but not broken. There's strength within you even when you feel scared. Don't give up.

I'm sending love to everyone who's trying their best to deal with things that they don't discuss.
 
To the warrior of life.

I know you are walking alone, and you cannot see what's ahead of you. I know you're feeling cold and wishing of ways to end this tormenting state of yours. But look, you can't stop. You have to keep walking. It might be the life's way to tell you that now it is time to be your own source of energy and motivation, be your own source of love.
Take time to take all that pain in, fiddle with the things that leave you in splits. Just solve the jigsaw puzzle you've become. Life isn't eloping anywhere. Just sit silently, and think. Accept the challenge of getting even with the odd feeling life's making you feel.
It might be hard to digest, that you are alone and no form of justice or empathy might be available. It's your path and you'll have to walk it.
It's not hard to live this life. You're doing it just without any effort.
Live it.....believe me, it's worth living.
I know it's next to impossible walking all that life's path on your own. So many people around you are available to give you a ferry ride along. It's just a matter of catching between trains. Just get absorbed into the journey, and you'll see how lovely it is to go ahead and get through stops in life.

To the warrior of life. It's your path. Just keep walking.
 
Depression for me is my failings. My lack of self worth and my reluctance to look after myself and socialise.
I have anxiety as well.. which means i feel nervous all the time about everything I do. Have i done it correctly, did I forget anything today, i could have done that better, why did I do it like that... the list goes on. Control.. I need it. Can't deal with other people doing things differently to me.
Mainly tho, I cry for no reason. I feel like staying in, not even showering, eating, brushing my teeth.. seems to make me tired all the time.. but I hate being stuck indoors too. Get very restless.. Omg my life is a constant battle with my mind and body.
Depression really does alienate me. I have started opening up about it but ppl can't help me. When will I feel better?
:(
 
People think depression is sadness. They think depression is crying. Depression is dressing in black. But people are wrong. Depression is the feeling of being numb. No matter how bad things are right now. Or maybe things are not bad right now. You are stuck in your emotions. Wishing things were different. Depression is about inner feelings. Depression silently returns. I didn't ask her to come back. I want to part ways with my depression. I am angry, but not bitter. I am depressed, but not giving up.
 
I suffer from depression, mine is from my time in the military. I suffer from survivors guilt. I lost 4 people when the vehicle I was in was blown up on an anti tank mine. I lost my best friend. A guy I'd shared 7yrs serving with. A good man. I had to face his wife and tell her I couldn't save him. My depression manifested itself a couple of years later. I become insular, wouldnt talk or get to know people through fear I'd lose them. I became anxious and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I've struggled with meds over the years and an addiction to morphine after the explosion. I also had huge drink habit. I lost my army career and friends.

Anyone who goes through this pain and comes out the other side with a morsel of normal deserves respect. I'm reminded of the gom jobar in Frank Herbert's Dune "fear is the mind killer" to me this rings true.
 
Dogowar said:
I suffer from depression, mine is from my time in the military. I suffer from survivors guilt. I lost 4 people when the vehicle I was in was blown up on an anti tank mine. I lost my best friend. A guy I'd shared 7yrs serving with. A good man. I had to face his wife and tell her I couldn't save him. My depression manifested itself a couple of years later. I become insular, wouldnt talk or get to know people through fear I'd lose them. I became anxious and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I've struggled with meds over the years and an addiction to morphine after the explosion. I also had huge drink habit. I lost my army career and friends.

Anyone who goes through this pain and comes out the other side with a morsel of normal deserves respect. I'm reminded of the gom jobar in Frank Herbert's Dune "fear is the mind killer" to me this rings true.
Click to expand...

Dogowar, I hear you and am very sorry for you lose.

The convoy security element I was on had two killed and we had two seriously injured. That vehicle hit a 3 stack IED, of which 2 went off. I was driving the vehicle that was called up to respond and shortly after the 4 other guys in the truck got out I hopped in the turret. The 3rd IED went off and thankfully I was shielded from the blast.

A few years later I finally went to get checked out and was diagnosed with minor symptoms of depression, anger and anxiety. I didn't go on any meds but have known several Sailors and Marines I served with how did. I can only imagine, and not that well, what it's like to get hooked on something. As for the alcohol, I was on my way to being a full blown alcoholic years prior. I wanted to start drinking again but kept remembering the demons from that time and was able to stay away.

I have yet to reconnect with many of the Seabees I served with but have recently been talking to a few. I was always more of a loner and this made things worse. I will say, the regulars on this site have been very helpful in helping me get through this, whether they know it or not.

If you ever want to talk, let me know. As one vet to another, and there are a few more here, I'm here for you Brother. Drop me a note in a conversation.
 
PhotographerGuy said:
Dogowar, I hear you and am very sorry for you lose.

The convoy security element I was on had two killed and we had two seriously injured. That vehicle hit a 3 stack IED, of which 2 went off. I was driving the vehicle that was called up to respond and shortly after the 4 other guys in the truck got out I hopped in the turret. The 3rd IED went off and thankfully I was shielded from the blast.

A few years later I finally went to get checked out and was diagnosed with minor symptoms of depression, anger and anxiety. I didn't go on any meds but have known several Sailors and Marines I served with how did. I can only imagine, and not that well, what it's like to get hooked on something. As for the alcohol, I was on my way to being a full blown alcoholic years prior. I wanted to start drinking again but kept remembering the demons from that time and was able to stay away.

I have yet to reconnect with many of the Seabees I served with but have recently been talking to a few. I was always more of a loner and this made things worse. I will say, the regulars on this site have been very helpful in helping me get through this, whether they know it or not.

If you ever want to talk, let me know. As one vet to another, and there are a few more here, I'm here for you Brother. Drop me a note in a conversation.
Click to expand...
*fistbumps you* we share the same merit badge. Thank you mate. I'm doing. Better these days, mainly thanks to friends and family. And one very special person here. Shout out to my best mate and virtual sis @Misha000 This wonderful lady is my confidante. With out her I'd be a bag of shit, no lie. Shes an angel in human form. Love you Misha. ❤
 
Dogowar said:
*fistbumps you* we share the same merit badge. Thank you mate. I'm doing. Better these days, mainly thanks to friends and family. And one very special person here. Shout out to my best mate and virtual sis @Misha000 This wonderful lady is my confidante. With out her I'd be a bag of shit, no lie. Shes an angel in human form. Love you Misha. ❤
Click to expand...

She has been a great person for me to talk to as well. Just don't say it too loud, her head might get even bigger. (Kidding @Misha000. Love you too hun).
 
PhotographerGuy said:
She has been a great person for me to talk to as well. Just don't say it too loud, her head might get even bigger. (Kidding @Misha000. Love you too hun).
Click to expand...
7mths ago I tried to kill myself. She dragged me out of it. Saved my life. The dept I owe her is beyond measure. If I could give her medals and honours she would be a walking badge factory. Words can't say how much she means to me.
 
Dogowar said:
7mths ago I tried to kill myself. She dragged me out of it. Saved my life. The dept I owe her is beyond measure. If I could give her medals and honours she would be a walking badge factory. Words can't say how much she means to me.
Click to expand...

I'm so sorry you got to that point. And very glad she get you out of it. I joke about her getting a big head but I will agree, she has been an amazing person. There are a number of people in the room that have helped me and I can't thank them enough.

As I said, if you ever want to talk offline let me know. Keep on keeping on.
 
PhotographerGuy said:
I'm so sorry you got to that point. And very glad she get you out of it. I joke about her getting a big head but I will agree, she has been an amazing person. There are a number of people in the room that have helped me and I can't thank them enough.

As I said, if you ever want to talk offline let me know. Keep on keeping on.
Click to expand...
Thank you mate. Same goes here. You ever need an ear or just to pull up a sand bag and have a natter. Being an ex British squaddie the teas always on the boil ;)
 
My love to all suffering with depression
Depression is a son of a bitch!!!!
I have been there and it sucks, to say the least
Depression is like a dark fucking hole that you'll never get out of but as they say, there is a light at the end of that dark tunnel, you just can't give up.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Dogowar said:
I suffer from depression, mine is from my time in the military. I suffer from survivors guilt. I lost 4 people when the vehicle I was in was blown up on an anti tank mine. I lost my best friend. A guy I'd shared 7yrs serving with. A good man. I had to face his wife and tell her I couldn't save him. My depression manifested itself a couple of years later. I become insular, wouldnt talk or get to know people through fear I'd lose them. I became anxious and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I've struggled with meds over the years and an addiction to morphine after the explosion. I also had huge drink habit. I lost my army career and friends.

Anyone who goes through this pain and comes out the other side with a morsel of normal deserves respect. I'm reminded of the gom jobar in Frank Herbert's Dune "fear is the mind killer" to me this rings true.
Click to expand...
❤
 
Misha000 said:
Depression for me is my failings. My lack of self worth and my reluctance to look after myself and socialise.
I have anxiety as well.. which means i feel nervous all the time about everything I do. Have i done it correctly, did I forget anything today, i could have done that better, why did I do it like that... the list goes on. Control.. I need it. Can't deal with other people doing things differently to me.
Mainly tho, I cry for no reason. I feel like staying in, not even showering, eating, brushing my teeth.. seems to make me tired all the time.. but I hate being stuck indoors too. Get very restless.. Omg my life is a constant battle with my mind and body.
Depression really does alienate me. I have started opening up about it but ppl can't help me. When will I feel better?
:(
Click to expand...
❤
 
PhotographerGuy said:
Dogowar, I hear you and am very sorry for you lose.

The convoy security element I was on had two killed and we had two seriously injured. That vehicle hit a 3 stack IED, of which 2 went off. I was driving the vehicle that was called up to respond and shortly after the 4 other guys in the truck got out I hopped in the turret. The 3rd IED went off and thankfully I was shielded from the blast.

A few years later I finally went to get checked out and was diagnosed with minor symptoms of depression, anger and anxiety. I didn't go on any meds but have known several Sailors and Marines I served with how did. I can only imagine, and not that well, what it's like to get hooked on something. As for the alcohol, I was on my way to being a full blown alcoholic years prior. I wanted to start drinking again but kept remembering the demons from that time and was able to stay away.

I have yet to reconnect with many of the Seabees I served with but have recently been talking to a few. I was always more of a loner and this made things worse. I will say, the regulars on this site have been very helpful in helping me get through this, whether they know it or not.

If you ever want to talk, let me know. As one vet to another, and there are a few more here, I'm here for you Brother. Drop me a note in a conversation.
Click to expand...
❤
 
Thank you for your kind words PinkCherry. I'm very sorry for your suffering as well. It's never any fun dealing with it. It's so great that there is a group of us here to talk to.

Please, anyone who needs to talk shoot me a message. To quote a line in Jerry McGuire, "let me help you".
 
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